Algebra

Algebra! I swear it will be the death of me, I have never been able to do certain things in algebra and then there are other things that I am a math wiz at in the Algebra department. I think the thing that frustrates me the most about Algebra is the fact that I will honestly never find the slope of a line in my life, there is no reason for me to ever need to. The uselessness (totally a word) of Algebra makes me hate it even more. I love math, but math that is logical like Accounting and Business math where it makes sense where I could use it in my life someday. Ugh! If I fail this class and have to retake it I will be really angry, because I don't want to put up with this crap for ANOTHER 9 weeks. I also think I have an Algebra part 2 after this one, so just shoot me now. please.

On another note I bought my plane ticket back to Michigan for a week in August and I don't know whether to be excited about it or worried. People are already trying to get "dibs" on me like I am a piece of meat or something and no matter how much time I spend with everyone they will never be happy. And I have to leave my puppy behind, even though he is going to a good place and I know he will be taken care of, it makes me sad to leave my "baby". I am going to be in Cody's mom's wedding while I am there, but the dress I have never seen or tried on and his mom seems to think I am a lot skinnier than I really am, so this should be fun.  The one thing I am super excited about it the fact that I am getting a haircut and my eye brows waxed. I can not wait, I haven't had it done since we were home for Christmas and it will be so great to have freshly cut hair and not so bushy eyebrows. lol

I need to start working out soon, like Monday soon. There is word of Cody coming home early so I need to start my Homecoming workout earlier than expected so I can look great for his homecoming. I also want to train for a 5k with Cody and run it with him in November in San Diego, but I don't think he will go for it but it is worth a shot, never hurts to try. I want to do the color run, it looks like so much fun :)

Missing him...

So tonight is one of those nights where if Cody was home we would just lay in bed and be up for the next two hours talking about the most random things an listening to music. I miss those nights, they were always my favorite. Just talking about everything and anything food, movies, people, thoughts on life, what to do for a "zombie apoculypse", talking about our future was always fun kids, house, jobs, location; just everything. I can't wait for him to come home, that might we will probably stay up and tell stupid stories about our time apart. Needless to say I miss him and want him back :) Well one month down and unsure how many to go, gotta love the certainty with the military! This weekend I went to Huntington Dog Beach with my friend Savannah and my dog Gunner, it was great Gunner behaved I got a little tan, it was great to get away and we ate at this great cafe called the Sit and Stay Cafe it was dog friendly AND a nice short walk from the dog beach. Gunner is exhausted and has slept since we left Huntington beach earlier today, I am so ready for bed but I just need to talk and ramble, which is what Cody and I would be soon if he was here. I talked to him for about 2 minutes on the phone last night and he says he wants to go to the thousand steps at laguna beach, I googled it and it looks awesome. I cant wait for him to come home and us go there and take gunner to the dog beach together. So much I want to do with him right now, but it shall wait.

And He's Off...

Well once again here we are faced with deployment, he left a few weeks ago and I am slowly falling into a routine to keep myself  busy. Wake up, watch TV, maybe do my school work, Shower, Dog Park for 2 hours since Gunner has SO much energy, Yoga on tuesdays, thursdays, and fridays, watch Ellen or various other recorded shows, if nothing is on watch Desperate Housewives on Netflix (my new obsession), play with Gunner outside to burn off some more energy, maybe another show, and bed to start it all over again. Of course little things might change occasionally, like I went to the pool today, and tomorrow I am going to a children's museum with my friend and her son.

I can't believe a year ago at this time I was prepping to graduate, move out here, and have Cody home! It is crazy how time flies, and how things change. I was having him home last year at this time and this year I am sending him off. Actually thinking about the situation makes me sad, I try to put it in the back of my mind and forget about it.

My step mom got me started on the Bachelorette, so I watched the first episode last night and now I am super excited for the rest of the season. I hope she picks Charlie, he was my first pick and I love him, but we will see my other picks are the single dad, the race car driver, and the ex-pro football player. I hate Stevie though, he seems like trouble and needs to go.

Well off the entertain my puppy (not much of a puppy anymore) but Have a great night.

Emotional Day

So... Today has been an up and down type of day. "Aunt Flo" came to visit so that is probably why I have all of these emotions flowing. I had a dream about Cody dying last night and now I am a wreck. I keep thinking about it and even though my dream wasn't even combat related I am still a mess. He will be leaving soon and this deployment seems to be much more dangerous than the last which scares me. I am glad Cody shares these things with me so I know what he is going through/ has gone through  but sometimes it makes me a mess. I have those days where I just want to cry about it all and then I have those days where I am perfectly fine with it and I am strong and can do it.  I am really thankful I gave Gunner though, he is my little buddy and sometimes drives me bonkers but he keeps me company and I am very thankful for that. Cody gets back from the field tomorrow which I am so excited about because I miss him a lot more than I thought I would. :) that sounds bad but I thought 11 days would be easy whatever but I really want him back here now. I have conversations with the dog or with myself in my head, golly I need to be around people more often.

once again

Once again the realization of deployment is bothering me. Tonight we have a meeting to get things around for wills and POA. that is crazy that we are already thinking about this once December is over it is all down hill from there. Everyone is leaving 29 and I am stranded here. I DO NOT want to go home, like I have said before I hate home so I am not going back there. I am just so scared that something will happen to him this time. Last time I was is denial that it could happen, but some things have changed (OSPEC- not going into detail) and is job could be even more dangerous than before. What do I do, sometimes I am scared and other times sad. It is just crazy to think deployment is right around the corner. I really signed up for a life or this? him coming and going all the time and living in fear every single day. Wow. I don't regret marrying him at all and I am proud of him as a marine, but this is just a crazy realization I have am going to face. Just me and the dog for 7 months. wow, Lord please help me.

scared?

I'm unsure of what has triggered it or why I feel this way but all of the sudden I am scared and worried about Cody deploying again. Even though it is quite a ways away it is still really close and it scares me. We got their schedule right up until it is time to leave and I guess just the thought that every thing is already planned out and we are already planning for yet another deployment scares the crap out of me. I don't know how it will actually go. Last deployment I had school every day and lived where my family was so it wasn't completely horrible yeah I missed him and was worried about him but it wasn't too bad. This time I will be all the way in california and I plan to go home for a few weeks but not moving home that's just insane. I don't know what I will do I kinda go crazy with him at work late somedays since I am here alone... Okay, I have our dog Gunner but it is still lonely. A plus this time is I have a friend who is married to a guy in cody's platoon so they will be together and we will be together. We are partners in crime. I just had to get it out that I am worried and scared and any other emotions that comes with deployment. Last time I didn't freak out until the day he left and even then I was pretty chill about it... I don't know.

Same Thing, Different Day

Basically I do the same things everyday and not much changes. Cody is at the rifle range most of the day I take him at 3 am and pick him up whenever he calls. I clean, clean, and clean some more. It seems like my house is never clean even though that is all I do. I want a job so bad, I can't stress that enough. I am a person who needs to keep busy and I am going crazy sitting here. Ugh... hopefully something soon though.

Last night Cody and I played Call of Duty Team Deathmatch and I always do good at the beginning and then suck it up at the end. I'm sure is someone watched us play they would be entertained. We call each other some mean names and hit each other but we don't really mean it, it is just fun and games. We applied for a loan at the bank yesterday for Cody to get a motorcycle, a Honda CBR 250R to be exact and we are suppose to find out today if he was approved then we can go get the bike. Then we are going to get gear like helmets, gloves, jackets and I have been looking at some stuff online and I am crazy excited. I am scared to ride a little since I have never been on a bike but I kind of feel like a badass. hahaha it just sounds fun to pull up some place and get off the back of Cody's bike. I don't know maybe I am a nerd. I just don't want to die... o_0      <---I love that little face